Easy Relationship Communication Skills Tips for Couples #1
Here is a 1 min relationship communication skills tip that every couple should have in their tool kit.
If you are feeling both angry and a soft emotion (e.g., anxious, nervous, fearful, hurt, lonely, or embarrassed)
…label your soft emotions when you tell your partner about your feelings.
Example
“I felt a bit anxious and lonely when you said you didn’t want to talk to me the other night.”
Why This Works
Waking Up the Evolved Attachment and Caring System
Expressing soft emotions using one word emotion word labels tends to activate the other person’s evolved attachment and caring system.
Instead of…
Provoking the Evolved Fight/Flight/Freeze Response
Expressing anger tends to provoke the evolved fight/flight/freeze response in the other person. They either attack (fight), withdraw (flight), stonewall (freeze), or get defensive (a bit of both fight and flight).
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About The Author
Alice Boyes, PhD.
Dr Alice Boyes is a former clinical psychologist turned writer. She is author of The Anxiety Toolkit (2015), published by TarcherPerigee, an imprint of PenguinRandomHouse. She blogs for PsychologyToday.com and Business Insider, and contributes to various magazines.
