How to Recover From Messing Up

5 tips to help you recover elegantly from a mistake.

Written by Dr Alice Boyes

Everyone messes up, but when we do, it can feel dark and lonely.

Consider these relatable scenarios:

We've all been in positions like these. In this post, I'll give some guidance for recovering psychologically when you've made a preventable error like those described.

1. Recognize That a Loss Feels Bad, but Losses Pale in Comparison to Opportunities Not Taken

Many mess-ups relate to loss: the bowl we drop and break, the airline miles we accidentally let expire, the job interview we worked hard to get, then blunder.

We know from research on loss aversion that losing something we had already acquired stings intensely, even though these losses pale in comparison to opportunities we never pursue.

This insight can help you see that there are many ways to counter a loss. The job interview where you said the wrong thing is one lost path, but there are many more opportunities you've never applied for. The photos you lost on the memory card are dwarfed by the photos you haven't taken. You broke a nice bowl, but there are beautiful bowls you've never purchased or even looked for.

2. Enact a Routine You're Competent At

After a mess-up, go do something you're competent at. A familiar routine reminds you that there's plenty you manage well, and steadies the ship. It also interrupts the urge to ruminate. The routine doesn't need to relate to the mistake. Go change the oil on your car, book your mammogram, or scan those important receipts.

3. Remind Yourself of What You're Doing Right

How To Recover From Messing Up

When we've messed up in an area, especially if it's an ongoing pattern we need to turn around, it's easy to spiral into thinking we're doing everything wrong.

Take a quick, objective inventory of what you're doing right, without dismissing those valuable routines as not "making up for" the mistake. That's not the bar. When you can see what you're doing right, it gives you a base to build from and a path to self-trust.

4. Remind Yourself That Life Should Be Flexible Enough to Allow for Some Mess-Ups

A life we have to execute perfectly is one that's too harsh. To err is human. We shouldn't feel like the only way we can have a reasonable level of success is by never making any mistakes.

Expecting yourself to read every word of fine print, have no memory lapses, or make the ideal choice in every scenario is too onerous a set of requirements.

5. Expect a Flood of Memories About Other Mistakes

When we make one mistake and start to dwell, that usually triggers a cascade of memories of other "stupid" things we've done, even in the distant past.

You'll remember the expensive gadget you left somewhere and couldn't recover, the time you saw but skipped a 50% off sale and realized you needed the item a week later, or the time you misread fine print and made a preventable error that required one five-minute step to avoid.

When you expect a flood of these memories, it can help you take them in stride, apply the other tips from this article, and let those reactivated memories dissipate on their own.

Recovery Means Seeing Other Opportunities to Act Skillfully

A good sign your psychological recovery is progressing is if you feel motivated to counter the mess-up by doing something else well. This shows you have some trust in your capacity to do that, and that you're not overly focusing on one area. You can see other opportunities to act skillfully.

One wiped memory card doesn't erase a lifetime of photos you could still take. One time you misread the fine print doesn't undo all the times you diligently read and followed it. One ignored reminder email doesn't cancel out all the ones you responded to. While mistakes are real, they're not the full picture, or the end of the story. The path forward remains open.