5 Ways You've Matured But May Not Have Noticed

Signs you've grown steadier and more competent that you may have missed.

Written by Dr Alice Boyes

Sometimes we feel like we're not progressing in our personal development if we don't have an Etsy shop that makes six figures a year, haven't done an Ironman, or still feel upset about a friendship that broke down five years ago.

But there are all sorts of ways we mature and develop that we barely notice. When you give yourself credit for quiet ways you've matured psychologically, it can help you feel more settled within yourself and build on these wins.

See if you recognize yourself in any of the following scenarios. I've illustrated each general principle with a specific story. Try to find an example from your own recent experience. If you can't think of one right away, you're probably just not recalling it yet. Trust that you've made each type of progress. Allow a personal example to surface in your mind in its own time.

Quiet Progress Worth Giving Yourself Credit For

1. A Routine Became Slicker

We know we should give ourselves credit for starting good habits, but we forget to affirm ourselves for having improved a routine that has matured into something better or slicker over time.

Example: Christy likes to get professional family photos once a year. However, it can be a huge drag to organize her husband and children, pick a location, coordinate outfits, nail down a date, and choose the photographer.

She's completed this process annually for the past five years, and this year was the first year it didn't feel like a burden. Sure, there were a lot of steps, but she took them in stride, checking them off one by one, without the drama. What worked was reusing some of the same strategies she'd used before, which helped make it more seamless.

2. You Handled a Slight Without Retreating

5 Ways Youve Matured But Didnt Notice

Mike works for a big bank. His brother-in-law thinks big banks are evil, and likes to tell Mike this every time they've had a few beers at family events.

Usually, Mike feels very embarrassed when this happens, but this year he was ready for the barbed comment. Instead of retreating and giving a weak response, he held his ground and simply said he enjoyed his job.

3. You Became Less Intimidated by a Cumbersome Process

Every two years, Anna's internet company hikes her rate, almost doubling it, and she has to call to ask that a promotional rate be reapplied. She hates this theatrical exercise. The reps start by making her poor offers, and she has to waste 15 minutes in a game of cat and mouse getting them to give their best offer, which invariably takes her back to the rate she was on.

This is so annoying that sometimes it takes her three months of paying the inflated rate to finally making the call.

This year, she put it on her calendar and called promptly. Instead of feeling on the back foot, she decided to act confidently, trusting that in a game of cat and mouse, she'd be able to maneuver to the result she wanted.

4. You Did a Task More Simply When You Were Busy

Rosy likes to put special effort into a task she has to do monthly at work. However, two months of the year are extremely busy. This year, she developed a simplified process to knock the task out when she can only spend the minimum time on it. Everyone is satisfied with the simple version, even though they appreciate the more bespoke versions she puts together in other months.

5. You Processed a Hurt From Long Ago

Most people have emotional raw spots from past hurts that they shove down rather than work through psychologically. For example, you saved up for a family vacation, and then your teenagers ruined it by complaining. You'd like to take future vacations, but the memory of the not-fun trip haunts you.

Until recently, you'd never really acknowledged this to yourself, but now you have. Instead of making excuses for why you're using your vacation days for errands, you've reflected on why you're hesitant to plan another trip.

You don't feel ready to try a trip again, but you've done some needed mental processing.

Getting over emotional dings can take a much longer time than most of us would like to admit. Whenever you do it, even if it takes several years (or decades), it's still valuable.

Maturing Feels Like Evolution, Not Like Transformation

Personal development happens in quiet, everyday ways that we often don't notice. Identifying specific evidence of our progress can help us see the steadier, more competent self we've become and feel more settled in ourselves. The scenarios here are basic and relatable because that's how your growth will likely show up. Hopefully, this post has helped you see what you've accomplished that you were ignoring before.