How to Tim Ferriss Your Relationship: The 5-Hour Relationship

Tim Ferriss is famous for writing two bestselling books – The 4-Hour Workweek and The 4-Hour Body. I keep hearing him get asked in interviews if his next book is going to be “The 4-Hour Relationship.”

My thought in response each time is – John Gottman one of the world’s most famous relationships scientists already bet him to it (over 10 years ago). Relationships psychology PhDs call it “The Five Magic Hours.”

What are the Five Magic Hours?

Gottman found that five activities distinguished couples whose relationship satisfaction continued to improve after a relationships workshop vs. those whose didn’t.

The first 80 Minutes.

Activity 1: Saying goodbye in the morning mindfully. Kissing a little bit longer and finding out what’s happening in your partner’s day.

Time: 2 mins x 5 per week = 10 mins per week.

Activity 2: Admiration and Appreciation.

Communicating genuine admiration and appreciation to your partner in some way everyday.

Time: 5 mins x 7 days = 35 mins per week.

Activity 3: Affection

Being physically affectionate when you’re together. Kissing each other goodnight with tenderness and letting go of the minor irritations that have built up during the day.

Time: 5 mins x 7 days = 35 mins per week.

The Next 100 Minutes.

Activity 4: Have a 20 minute stress reducing conversation at the end of each workday.

Make sure it actually does reduce stress.

Time: 20 mins x 5 days = 100 mins per week.

The Last Two Hours.

Activity 5: A two hour chunk of of quality time together in which you check in with each other. What important’s to your mate right now? What have they been thinking about?

Not quite the 4-Hour Relationship but pretty close at 5 hours. Maybe I’ll write another blog post on “The Four Hour Courtship” 😉

John Gottman covers the Five Magic Hours in this book (available for Kindle or in paperback) The Seven Principles of Making Marriage Work